Ugly or Pretty at the Fleas

I was at a higher-end flea market in NYC recently and overheard a college-aged woman saying to her friend “I can’t tell if it is ugly or pretty”. Of course, I had an opinion on this but, bucking nosy middle-aged woman tradition, I kept it to myself. That’s an aspiration for when I’m 75.

I am a seasoned thrifter; going to antiques stores became one of my solo after-school activities in high school in the ‘90s (at the long defunct big red chicken barn, “Antiques at Mayfair” for those playing along in the Nashua, NH area). When I met my husband in the early 2000s, his flea market-attending lifestyle became mine (mostly the Hollis Flea Market, RIP).

Over the years, thrifting has exposed me to the styles of clothing, furniture, cookware, and decoration that were popular from the 1950s onward—though the occasional earlier piece still turns up. As I learned more about the time these items were from—watching movies like Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Saturday Night Fever, or Pretty in Pink, or reading books like On the Road or High Fidelity – it became natural for me to see that every style, no matter how outdated it may seem now, once represented someone’s idea of freedom, glamour, rebellion, or modernity. Just as today’s trends reflect our current values and aesthetics, so did the trends of those past decades. Sometimes, you just need the right frame of reference to see the beauty.

Just a note: thrifting became very popular in the ‘90s because of the wide availability of 1970’s clothing. Fashion brands tend to mimic the fashions that were popular 20 years in the past, so the ‘70s aesthetic was coming into popularity in commercial clothing while authentic clothing of the era was still available and in good condition because it was made of durable fabrics, like denim, wool and leather.

Thrifting also aligned with the values of many subcultures at the time—like grunge and riot grrrl - which embraced anti-consumerism and DIY aesthetics. Economic recessions in the late '80s and early '90s made secondhand shopping more appealing for practical reasons, too.

The question here, though, is what is ugly and what is pretty? Do they overlap?

In an earlier essay I talked about my youthful distaste for pine trees and how I grew out of it because of positive experiences. I think all personal aesthetic opinion is based on your own experiences – what you’ve seen and done in the world, conversations you had, movies you watched and books you read. That’s your personal opinion. Starting out – especially in early teenagerhood – your aesthetic opinion goes from not really being aware of “aesthetics” – just being visually struck by something and adopting it – to being very aware of what is popular with celebrities and by extension - your peers.

I don’t know if we every truly grow out of the “going with the crowd” mentality or the urge to be lauded for how well you follow popular fashions. Or the urge to not be pointed out as not following the fashion - something which people in their early teens are especially apt to do.

At that time of life we don’t “know” what is ugly or pretty. We’re just starting to be aware of how we are perceived by others and trying to figure out what the “right” thing to do is.  We’re still finding our values and our likes and dislikes. Part of what we are learning at that time is the difference between mindlessly doing things to fit in and the value and meaning behind the things we do. That awareness doesn’t just shape our behavior - it informs how we see the world around us, including what we consider beautiful or worthwhile. Fashion is a perfect example of this shift.

Another note I’d like to make about the differences in fashion between the ‘60s and ‘70s to the ‘90s is how drastically styles changed within 20 or 30 years. We went from crocheted vests and go-go boots to ruffled, high necked office wear to ringer t-shirts and flannel within a relatively short period of time. Historically, styles have changed that quickly. It’s only been since the advent of the internet that we have largely been in a holding pattern with fashion.

Those dramatic shifts in style weren’t just about aesthetics—they reflected real changes in cultural values, gender roles, and how people wanted to be seen. Now that fashion trends are more recycled than revolutionary, maybe it's even harder to know what's “in” or “out”—or to separate personal taste from the crowd.

So, in the ‘80s and early ‘90’s children thought the styles their parents had before they, the children, were born were old-fashioned, ugly, and very outdated, despite the fact that they were the height of fashion within the last 10 or 15 years.

Some of the things I see as beautiful now are the exact things I saw as ugly when I began thrifting in the ‘90s. What I see now, over many years of looking closely at items and treating my visits to antique stores, thrift stores, and flea markets more like trips to museums than shopping trips, is the skill with which things have been designed and made and the meaning to the people the items were made for.

Beauty is certainly in the eye of the beholder, but it is the beholder’s job to look beyond the reaction of the child always lingering in the back of their mind and give some thought to their own experiences, to the people the items were made for and to the lives they touched. It’s easy to dismiss a floral couch or a brown-and-orange casserole dish as “ugly” at first glance, but some reflection can soften sometimes harsh judgements.

Over time, I’ve realized that taste is more than preference—it’s a record of how we’ve grown and what we’ve experienced. We all begin by borrowing our sense of what’s beautiful from the world around us: our peers, pop culture, our families. But our real perception of beauty emerges when we start to see with our own eyes—not just what we’re told is attractive, but what feels honest, lasting, or well-made. Whether it’s a crocheted vest or a pine tree, the point isn’t whether it’s ugly or pretty. It’s whether we’re willing to look long enough to see what’s really there.